Race or Age

Is it a matter of Race or Age? I have two beautiful sons. One is a 9 year old Caucasian and the other is a 4 year old African American. We are quite accustom to looks, comments and questions.
We have just come to the end of Spring Break. We enjoyed Spring Break with picnics in the park, sand castles on the beach, sleepovers with friends and a trip to the Space Center. This week it seemed no matter where we went someone would say something about how cute the 4 year old is. As a proud Mama, I was ever so happy to say, "Thank You," and give my 4 year old an extra hug and a kiss. By the end of the week my 9 year old was feeling a little left out and started asking me if I thought he was cute too. Of course, I do. I gave him an extra hug and a kiss too.

As my 9 year old started asking each time somebody said something to the 4 year old, I started noticing that every kind word was coming from African Americans. I started to wonder why. Was this some sort of cultural validation for my son? Or was he just really cute?

I have an African American friend, and we were just visiting. She made a comment about how cute the 4 year old is getting. I agreed and then mentioned our experience. As we talked, she commented, "Well, admiring the looks of a pre-teen is a little creepy coming from an adult stranger." She was right. If a strange adult had made some comment about how attractive my 9 year old was, I might be a little concerned about their motives, but commenting on a cute baby, well, that is just expected.

Now I slap myself. I love both my sons, and I forget their obvious difference. I am accustom to lots of looks and stares; comments and questions. I was searching for the racial difference, the cultural explanation, beating myself up thinking I had missed something important for his little ego as an African American Male. I was the one making it a racial thing and nobody else.

What was it? I believe it had nothing to do with his race, and everything to do with his age. He is a happy, out-going 4 year old with lots and lots of energy. He is cute. It is culturally acceptable in all races to admire a cute baby, but it is a little creepy to admire a pre-teen in the same way.

Relief, I am not a bad Mom just a little over-sensitive.

I love my boys, and both of them are very cute.

An Expert in Hope

Are you an Expert? Are you someone who has a specialized skill acquired through training or experience? I am not an expert. I am one of those people who knows a little about a lot of things, but doesn't know a lot about anything. I want to be an expert in something, but what?

My husband had cancer. My sister had cancer. Thankfully, they survived and are cancer free. I thought my experience as a care taker would make me an expert on care taker issues, but it did not. I tried volunteering with a cancer support group, but learned quickly that issues are very different from family to family, care taker to care taker. Much like cancer does not discriminate and makes its attack very personal, so do the challenges faced by care takers. I am not an expert and do not feel qualified to help.

I have volunteered, taken classes, read books, watched movies, etc. to try and find my field of expertise. All I have found is that I am not an expert. I have been married 10+ years. I am not an expert in marriage. I have two boys. I am not an expert in parenting. I am a woman with many years experience being a woman, but I am not an expert on women's issues. So what does this all mean?

In my head, I hear a song which makes me smile. The song is by Barlow Girl and is called "Superstar." The song sings "I want to be a star, but is that all I am really here for. If I am not a star, will it be o.k.? Will I still be someone?" "God, you will have to say who I really am, because I cannot live in this perfect dream land. But I heard your plans are better." YEAH! There is hope! I may not be an expert or a superstar, but God has a plan for me.

Turning to the Bible and finding more hope, Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know my plans for you,' says the Lord, 'plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and hope.'" It does not say I will be a superstar or an expert. But if I could be an expert in anything in the world, I think children and the Bible would be near the top of the list. Of course, I have other interests like cancer patient care, foster care, domestic adoption, the educational system, the health care system, children's ministry, stay at home moms by choice, and much more. I know a little about a lot of things.

I may not be an expert or a superstar, but how cool is it that God has a plan just for me and nobody else. I think I will claim Jeremiah 29:11 and receive that future and hope designed by God for me. You may not be an expert but you can claim Jeremiah 29:11 for yourself. My prayer for you and for me: Dear Lord, make me an example of your plan, an example of hope. I thank you for creating a plan for me and my future. May God's will be done. In Jesus Name I pray, AMEN.