Roller Coaster Life

I have heard life referred to as a roller coaster. It is terrifying but exhilarating. It is many ups and downs and a few twists and turns to keep things interesting. But unlike a roller coaster that stops and lets you get off; life does not.

Life keeps going. It does not care that you are having a great time and want to stay where you are. It does not care that you are hurting and just need a time out to recover. It does not care that you are afraid and don't want to go into that next phase of life. Things happen and your stage of life changes.

I recently suffered a terrible loss, the death of my Dad. I definitely want a time out to mourn his passing, but life just keeps going. As I have cried and yelled and hurt, I have been surprised by the depth of my sorrow. I have a dear friend who helps me with my kids during emergencies, and she asked as delicately as she could, "How many deaths is this?" That really made me think.

In the past year and a half, my grandmother/my last living grandparent died. My uncle died suddenly on a business trip. He was young with four children, two still in college. It was natural causes but still too soon. My great aunt died and three days later her brother/my great uncle died. It is hard to explain the importance of all these people in my life in just a few words, but I can say growing up when love seemed just a theory and not a reality, each of these people demonstrated a tangible love and a hope for joy in this life.

Barely a month after the deaths of my aunt and uncle, my Dad died suddenly. He was 84, but up until 2 weeks prior to his death, he was independent. He is my step-father, but he has been my step-father for 31 years. My biological father is in my life and I do have a reconciled, healthy relationship with him. My step-father, however, is the one who was there for this roller coaster. He was the one that was there when things were up and down and even there for the twists and turns. My step-father is the one who taught me that love endures all things.

I am still riding the roller coaster. I want to get off, but I am holding on. This is just a down turn and this too will pass. I hold onto the hope that soon there will be an up or a twist and things will get better. Life, love and happiness are on this roller coaster and definitely make the ride worth riding. I still have tears, but I also have love. My husband is in the seat next to me. My kids are in the seat behind me. This down turn will not derail me. I am going to hold on and look up. An up turn has to be coming.