Is it a matter of Race or Age? I have two beautiful sons. One is a 9 year old Caucasian and the other is a 4 year old African American. We are quite accustom to looks, comments and questions.
We have just come to the end of Spring Break. We enjoyed Spring Break with picnics in the park, sand castles on the beach, sleepovers with friends and a trip to the Space Center. This week it seemed no matter where we went someone would say something about how cute the 4 year old is. As a proud Mama, I was ever so happy to say, "Thank You," and give my 4 year old an extra hug and a kiss. By the end of the week my 9 year old was feeling a little left out and started asking me if I thought he was cute too. Of course, I do. I gave him an extra hug and a kiss too.
As my 9 year old started asking each time somebody said something to the 4 year old, I started noticing that every kind word was coming from African Americans. I started to wonder why. Was this some sort of cultural validation for my son? Or was he just really cute?
I have an African American friend, and we were just visiting. She made a comment about how cute the 4 year old is getting. I agreed and then mentioned our experience. As we talked, she commented, "Well, admiring the looks of a pre-teen is a little creepy coming from an adult stranger." She was right. If a strange adult had made some comment about how attractive my 9 year old was, I might be a little concerned about their motives, but commenting on a cute baby, well, that is just expected.
Now I slap myself. I love both my sons, and I forget their obvious difference. I am accustom to lots of looks and stares; comments and questions. I was searching for the racial difference, the cultural explanation, beating myself up thinking I had missed something important for his little ego as an African American Male. I was the one making it a racial thing and nobody else.
What was it? I believe it had nothing to do with his race, and everything to do with his age. He is a happy, out-going 4 year old with lots and lots of energy. He is cute. It is culturally acceptable in all races to admire a cute baby, but it is a little creepy to admire a pre-teen in the same way.
Relief, I am not a bad Mom just a little over-sensitive.
I love my boys, and both of them are very cute.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
An Expert in Hope
Are you an Expert? Are you someone who has a specialized skill acquired through training or experience? I am not an expert. I am one of those people who knows a little about a lot of things, but doesn't know a lot about anything. I want to be an expert in something, but what?
My husband had cancer. My sister had cancer. Thankfully, they survived and are cancer free. I thought my experience as a care taker would make me an expert on care taker issues, but it did not. I tried volunteering with a cancer support group, but learned quickly that issues are very different from family to family, care taker to care taker. Much like cancer does not discriminate and makes its attack very personal, so do the challenges faced by care takers. I am not an expert and do not feel qualified to help.
I have volunteered, taken classes, read books, watched movies, etc. to try and find my field of expertise. All I have found is that I am not an expert. I have been married 10+ years. I am not an expert in marriage. I have two boys. I am not an expert in parenting. I am a woman with many years experience being a woman, but I am not an expert on women's issues. So what does this all mean?
In my head, I hear a song which makes me smile. The song is by Barlow Girl and is called "Superstar." The song sings "I want to be a star, but is that all I am really here for. If I am not a star, will it be o.k.? Will I still be someone?" "God, you will have to say who I really am, because I cannot live in this perfect dream land. But I heard your plans are better." YEAH! There is hope! I may not be an expert or a superstar, but God has a plan for me.
Turning to the Bible and finding more hope, Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know my plans for you,' says the Lord, 'plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and hope.'" It does not say I will be a superstar or an expert. But if I could be an expert in anything in the world, I think children and the Bible would be near the top of the list. Of course, I have other interests like cancer patient care, foster care, domestic adoption, the educational system, the health care system, children's ministry, stay at home moms by choice, and much more. I know a little about a lot of things.
I may not be an expert or a superstar, but how cool is it that God has a plan just for me and nobody else. I think I will claim Jeremiah 29:11 and receive that future and hope designed by God for me. You may not be an expert but you can claim Jeremiah 29:11 for yourself. My prayer for you and for me: Dear Lord, make me an example of your plan, an example of hope. I thank you for creating a plan for me and my future. May God's will be done. In Jesus Name I pray, AMEN.
My husband had cancer. My sister had cancer. Thankfully, they survived and are cancer free. I thought my experience as a care taker would make me an expert on care taker issues, but it did not. I tried volunteering with a cancer support group, but learned quickly that issues are very different from family to family, care taker to care taker. Much like cancer does not discriminate and makes its attack very personal, so do the challenges faced by care takers. I am not an expert and do not feel qualified to help.
I have volunteered, taken classes, read books, watched movies, etc. to try and find my field of expertise. All I have found is that I am not an expert. I have been married 10+ years. I am not an expert in marriage. I have two boys. I am not an expert in parenting. I am a woman with many years experience being a woman, but I am not an expert on women's issues. So what does this all mean?
In my head, I hear a song which makes me smile. The song is by Barlow Girl and is called "Superstar." The song sings "I want to be a star, but is that all I am really here for. If I am not a star, will it be o.k.? Will I still be someone?" "God, you will have to say who I really am, because I cannot live in this perfect dream land. But I heard your plans are better." YEAH! There is hope! I may not be an expert or a superstar, but God has a plan for me.
Turning to the Bible and finding more hope, Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know my plans for you,' says the Lord, 'plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and hope.'" It does not say I will be a superstar or an expert. But if I could be an expert in anything in the world, I think children and the Bible would be near the top of the list. Of course, I have other interests like cancer patient care, foster care, domestic adoption, the educational system, the health care system, children's ministry, stay at home moms by choice, and much more. I know a little about a lot of things.
I may not be an expert or a superstar, but how cool is it that God has a plan just for me and nobody else. I think I will claim Jeremiah 29:11 and receive that future and hope designed by God for me. You may not be an expert but you can claim Jeremiah 29:11 for yourself. My prayer for you and for me: Dear Lord, make me an example of your plan, an example of hope. I thank you for creating a plan for me and my future. May God's will be done. In Jesus Name I pray, AMEN.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Foster Care UnFair (3)
Rosie O'Donnel has a new movie coming out about Foster Care. This is a tough subject, but it is a reality. The State of Texas has a Foster Program. They have a Foster to Adopt Program and, of course, they have an Adoption Program.
In the State of Texas the number one goal of Child Protective Services (CPS) is reunification. In placement of a child, the first choice is the biological parents. Second choice is the biological extended family. Third choice is anyone who can demonstrate a healthy, long term relationship with the child (perhaps a neighbor, babysitter, teacher, minister....). The last choice is waiting adoptive parents. Thus the Foster Care system exists to facilitate the reunification of families by offering help to parents and their children.
In a perfect world this is a great system placing children in homes and not institutions. In a perfect world, foster care is a great solution to a short term problem. In reality, foster care is being extended too long and giving parents who have no intention of reunifying too much power to prevent children from being available for adoption.
Biological parents, fit or unfit, are given every chance to reclaim custody of their child. The State offers services such as job training, food stamps, and much more to help biological parents fulfill their requirements to reclaim their child. All the biological parents have to do is demonstrate a desire for reunification and their child will never be available for adoption. To demonstrate a desire the parent only needs to show up once every now and then. If they show up once, they can delay the court hearing to terminate their parental rights another year. Biological parents are never required to finish their services and they can effectively keep their child in foster care until they age out at age 18, and that is the major down side to the program.
It is true that sometimes a series of bad decisions and/or series of unfortunate events, a parent needs help getting out of hole and it may take a couple of years. That is where the State's program works. Unfortunately, there are a number of people who have dug a hole that they have no intention of getting out of. They have found comfort and appreciate the familiarity of their difficulty and will never be able to parent their children. This is where the State program fails. If a parent lives snuggled deep into their addiction or tragedy, there needs to be a way to identify that parent and have a schedule to get their child off the foster care register and onto the adoption waiting list. There needs to be a deadline for these parent's to complete their services. They need to be required to finish their program. It is completely unfair to the child to be left in Foster Care for 5, 10, 15, 18 years.
I have no answers but the more people that are aware of the issues, the more minds pondering the issues, perhaps the next ingenious idea on how to fix or at least improve Foster Care will come sooner than later.
Rosie O'Donnel's new movie is called "America" and will be shown on Lifetime on Feb. 28 at 9 pm, March 1 at 8 pm and March 3 at 8 pm (et/pt). The movie is based on the book "America" by E.R. Frank. For more about the movie and book go to Lifetime: http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/movies/america
In the State of Texas the number one goal of Child Protective Services (CPS) is reunification. In placement of a child, the first choice is the biological parents. Second choice is the biological extended family. Third choice is anyone who can demonstrate a healthy, long term relationship with the child (perhaps a neighbor, babysitter, teacher, minister....). The last choice is waiting adoptive parents. Thus the Foster Care system exists to facilitate the reunification of families by offering help to parents and their children.
In a perfect world this is a great system placing children in homes and not institutions. In a perfect world, foster care is a great solution to a short term problem. In reality, foster care is being extended too long and giving parents who have no intention of reunifying too much power to prevent children from being available for adoption.
Biological parents, fit or unfit, are given every chance to reclaim custody of their child. The State offers services such as job training, food stamps, and much more to help biological parents fulfill their requirements to reclaim their child. All the biological parents have to do is demonstrate a desire for reunification and their child will never be available for adoption. To demonstrate a desire the parent only needs to show up once every now and then. If they show up once, they can delay the court hearing to terminate their parental rights another year. Biological parents are never required to finish their services and they can effectively keep their child in foster care until they age out at age 18, and that is the major down side to the program.
It is true that sometimes a series of bad decisions and/or series of unfortunate events, a parent needs help getting out of hole and it may take a couple of years. That is where the State's program works. Unfortunately, there are a number of people who have dug a hole that they have no intention of getting out of. They have found comfort and appreciate the familiarity of their difficulty and will never be able to parent their children. This is where the State program fails. If a parent lives snuggled deep into their addiction or tragedy, there needs to be a way to identify that parent and have a schedule to get their child off the foster care register and onto the adoption waiting list. There needs to be a deadline for these parent's to complete their services. They need to be required to finish their program. It is completely unfair to the child to be left in Foster Care for 5, 10, 15, 18 years.
I have no answers but the more people that are aware of the issues, the more minds pondering the issues, perhaps the next ingenious idea on how to fix or at least improve Foster Care will come sooner than later.
Rosie O'Donnel's new movie is called "America" and will be shown on Lifetime on Feb. 28 at 9 pm, March 1 at 8 pm and March 3 at 8 pm (et/pt). The movie is based on the book "America" by E.R. Frank. For more about the movie and book go to Lifetime: http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/movies/america
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
