Foster Care UnFair (3)

Rosie O'Donnel has a new movie coming out about Foster Care. This is a tough subject, but it is a reality. The State of Texas has a Foster Program. They have a Foster to Adopt Program and, of course, they have an Adoption Program.

In the State of Texas the number one goal of Child Protective Services (CPS) is reunification. In placement of a child, the first choice is the biological parents. Second choice is the biological extended family. Third choice is anyone who can demonstrate a healthy, long term relationship with the child (perhaps a neighbor, babysitter, teacher, minister....). The last choice is waiting adoptive parents. Thus the Foster Care system exists to facilitate the reunification of families by offering help to parents and their children.

In a perfect world this is a great system placing children in homes and not institutions. In a perfect world, foster care is a great solution to a short term problem. In reality, foster care is being extended too long and giving parents who have no intention of reunifying too much power to prevent children from being available for adoption.

Biological parents, fit or unfit, are given every chance to reclaim custody of their child. The State offers services such as job training, food stamps, and much more to help biological parents fulfill their requirements to reclaim their child. All the biological parents have to do is demonstrate a desire for reunification and their child will never be available for adoption. To demonstrate a desire the parent only needs to show up once every now and then. If they show up once, they can delay the court hearing to terminate their parental rights another year. Biological parents are never required to finish their services and they can effectively keep their child in foster care until they age out at age 18, and that is the major down side to the program.

It is true that sometimes a series of bad decisions and/or series of unfortunate events, a parent needs help getting out of hole and it may take a couple of years. That is where the State's program works. Unfortunately, there are a number of people who have dug a hole that they have no intention of getting out of. They have found comfort and appreciate the familiarity of their difficulty and will never be able to parent their children. This is where the State program fails. If a parent lives snuggled deep into their addiction or tragedy, there needs to be a way to identify that parent and have a schedule to get their child off the foster care register and onto the adoption waiting list. There needs to be a deadline for these parent's to complete their services. They need to be required to finish their program. It is completely unfair to the child to be left in Foster Care for 5, 10, 15, 18 years.

I have no answers but the more people that are aware of the issues, the more minds pondering the issues, perhaps the next ingenious idea on how to fix or at least improve Foster Care will come sooner than later.

Rosie O'Donnel's new movie is called "America" and will be shown on Lifetime on Feb. 28 at 9 pm, March 1 at 8 pm and March 3 at 8 pm (et/pt). The movie is based on the book "America" by E.R. Frank. For more about the movie and book go to Lifetime: http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/movies/america

Foster Care UnFair (2)

Rosie O'Donnel has many faults but her passion for kids and advocacy for kids' issues is commendable. She doesn't just talk a bunch of talk. She isn't just a self promoter using orphanages to get her face in the news. She takes kids into her own home. She may not be perfect, but who of us is? She is doing something to make this world a better place.

Why promote Rosie O'Donnel now? She has a new movie coming out about Foster Care. This is a tough subject, but it is a reality. Rosie's new movie is called "America" and will be shown on Lifetime on Feb. 28 at 9 pm, March 1 at 8 pm and March 3 at 8 pm (et/pt). The movie is based on the book "America" by E.R. Frank. For more about the movie and book go to Lifetime: http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/movies/america

I haven't seen the movie and probably won't since I don't have cable (economics, I don't need cable. I need to pay the electricity.) Anyway, I haven't seen the movie but the issue is of great interest to me. We fostered to adopt our son. It was a heart wrenching process with no promises or guarantees. The 18 months that our child was classified a foster child was difficult. Paperwork, meetings, and court dates on top of normal life was consuming, but we were lucky. The biological parents voluntarily signed over their rights and our son was made available for adoption. What a relief! We can focus on normal life and not worry about insurance issues, court approval for vacations, certification of babysitters, etc.

Foster Parents are remarkable people. When you agree to foster, you agree to potentially care for a child for as little as a day or for as long as 18 years (in the State of Texas). You don't know for sure what health issues, finanical issues and emotional issues the foster child will bring into your home. Foster Parents are remarkable people, but not all of them go into it with admirable intentions. Many are in it for the money. Kids in a tough spot are being exploited for a tiny pay check from the State.

Case Workers are remarkable people. Case Workers can have up to 50 cases at a time. 50 cases means 50 chilren. In Texas Case Workers are required to physically see all 50 kids every month (note they are not required to see the Foster Parents). Every month Case Workers are required to write a progress report on all 50 kids. In addition to checking up on all these kids, Case Workers are required to be in court every time one of their cases comes up; depending on the case every child could potentially have a court date every quarter. That could potentially be 200 court appearances in a year. Do you think the courts take into account the Case Worker when they schedule their dates? Do they try to get all the Case Worker's cases on the same day or even the same week?

Hypothetically, a Case Worker with 50 cases has 50 meetings, writes 50 reports and appears in court approximatly 17 times every single month. Don't forget they have other administrative duties. When a child is identified as in need of services, someone has to evaluate the family, living and personal issues of that child and not only determine a course of action but put it in writing and meet with other people and facilitate implementation. Once a child is placed in foster care there are other duties to evaluate the family, living and personal issue of that child. Needless to say the turn over job rate for Case Worker's is high.

The State Foster Care Program is a great idea but a difficult reality. The State does offer money to help Foster Parents care for the children. The State does make available specialiezed services to help parents regain custody, to help get children specialized services for individual needs and to help foster parents. But there are so many rules, so much paper work, so few workers. As a previous Foster Parent, the program appears to be a balloon about to burst. Then what happens to the children?

I have no answers but the more people that are aware of the issues, the more minds pondering the issues, perhaps the next ingenious idea on how to fix or at least improve Foster Care will come sooner than later.

Foster Care UnFair

Rosie O'Donnel is not one of my favorite people. Frankly, I usually turn the channel when I realize it is her. However, I love Good Morning America (http://abcnews.go.com/GMA), and Chris Quomo was interviewing her. I like Mr. Quomo so I listened. I am so glad that I did. I am going to have to find a way to see her new movie. (I don't have cable, satellite or whatever).

Foster Care is a great idea, but a difficult reality. The statistics quoted by Mr. Quomo included 30,000 children every year age out of foster care. Aging out means that the State has deemed the child an adult and will no longer support them through foster care. Foster parents will not receive any finanical help to support the new "adult" and the new "adult" will no longer be eligible for state funded programs such as job training and educational assistants.

Of course, there are ways the "adult" can aquire additional assistants for job training or education, but they have to have the desire and where withall to get it. Of course, how can they care about the hoops they must hop through when their more immediate concern is, "Where am I going to live? Where is my next meal coming from? How will I get money to pay for clothes and shoes?" And don't forget that these new adults are often kids who have just turned 18 years old. At 18, friends and fun are vital ingredients for happiness. At 18, you are willing to do just about anything to maintain your friends and have some fun.

I could go on and on about this, but Rosie's brief talk about the hardships of Foster Care is the focus. There are a lot of people doing great work to make the best of a broken system. Case Workers are over worked and under appreciated. Foster Parents with all good intentions have limitations in financial resources, health care and skills to help children with a huge variety of emotional needs. Foster kids, what can you say? There are so many different types of kids, different situations, different needs and wants. Kids who are great but fall through the cracks. Kids who are not so great who just need someone to care to turn them around. Kids who need an intervention to scare them into something great.

The interview and endorsement by Chris Quomo of Rosie O'Donnel's new movie pricked interest and heart strings. This is a tough subject, but it is a reality. Rosie's new movie is called "America" and will be shown on Lifetime on Feb. 28 at 9 pm, March 1 at 8 pm and March 3 at 8 pm (et/pt). The movie is based on the book "America" by E.R. Frank. For more about the movie and book go to Lifetime: http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/movies/america

Why do I care about this subject? We fostered to adopt one of our sons. The 18 months that he was classified a foster child were heart wrenching. I am greatly disappointed how the program is administered, but I am extremely thankful for the result in our family. We are one of the lucky ones. How many more are not so lucky?

My Baby is Not a Baby Anymore

It was night time. Each of us had gone through the routine of washing off the day's grime, freshening our mouths and slipping into comfy pajamas. It was a quiet night, and I was feeling pretty proud of myself. I, Mom, had gotten everybody: homework done, fed, washed and into bed at a reasonable hour. I even had time to read stories to my precious babies.

I went to my final stop on the reading tour, my oldest baby's room. As soon as I walked through the door, I was bowled over by a stench I cannot describe. My oldest baby's face of surprise to my reaction to the smell led me to wonder if he smelled it. I asked him, "What is that smell?!?" In the innocence of a baby, he looked at me and asked, "What smell?" I could hardly believe my ears, or my nose for that matter.

I began the hunt for 'that smell.' Periodically, asking my son the usual questions, "Have you been eating food in here again?" "Is your laundry in the hamper?" "Is your stomach upset?" My son could not believe I was so insistant that there was a smell and had no idea what it could be.

I finally gave up and sat on the bed next to him. Leaning over to kiss him, I got a whiff of 'that smell.' I asked him, "what have you been doing?" "Nothing," he reported, "Just chasing my brother, playing swords and seeing how high I could jump. I can almost reach above the door frame to my room. Wanna see?" He lifted his arm to show me how high he can reach and then I got a really good whiff of 'that smell.'

My baby is not a baby anymore. He is nine years old and definately ready for deoderant. As I grappled with that I began to wonder, what is next? My baby is not a baby anymore. He needs deoderant. Soon other changes will happen. I am a girl Mom who was raised with girly sisters. I don't know anything about growing up a boy. I suspect he will start to get hair in strange places. I know his voice will change, but that still shouldn't happen for a few years. My baby is still losing baby teeth. He can't be old enough for all this. But my baby is losing his baby teeth, and the adult teeth are coming in just fine. He may only be nine (9), but he is growing up.

So, what's a Mom to do? Research, of course. Boys are wonderful and their changes are pretty much what you think they will be. If you want some confirmation, reassurance or more information, here are a few websites to check out:

• Kid's Health for Kids: http://kidshealth.org/kid/grow/body_stuff/boys_puberty.html
• Teen Growth.com: http://www.teengrowth.com/index.cfm?action=info_article&ID_article=1348
• KidsRead.com (book reviews): http://aol.kidsreads.com/features/010201-growing.asp

Growing up boys is different than growing up girls. Each have their own challenges and rewards. I love my babies. I love my sons. I love my baby boy who is not a baby anymore.