Race or Age

Is it a matter of Race or Age? I have two beautiful sons. One is a 9 year old Caucasian and the other is a 4 year old African American. We are quite accustom to looks, comments and questions.
We have just come to the end of Spring Break. We enjoyed Spring Break with picnics in the park, sand castles on the beach, sleepovers with friends and a trip to the Space Center. This week it seemed no matter where we went someone would say something about how cute the 4 year old is. As a proud Mama, I was ever so happy to say, "Thank You," and give my 4 year old an extra hug and a kiss. By the end of the week my 9 year old was feeling a little left out and started asking me if I thought he was cute too. Of course, I do. I gave him an extra hug and a kiss too.

As my 9 year old started asking each time somebody said something to the 4 year old, I started noticing that every kind word was coming from African Americans. I started to wonder why. Was this some sort of cultural validation for my son? Or was he just really cute?

I have an African American friend, and we were just visiting. She made a comment about how cute the 4 year old is getting. I agreed and then mentioned our experience. As we talked, she commented, "Well, admiring the looks of a pre-teen is a little creepy coming from an adult stranger." She was right. If a strange adult had made some comment about how attractive my 9 year old was, I might be a little concerned about their motives, but commenting on a cute baby, well, that is just expected.

Now I slap myself. I love both my sons, and I forget their obvious difference. I am accustom to lots of looks and stares; comments and questions. I was searching for the racial difference, the cultural explanation, beating myself up thinking I had missed something important for his little ego as an African American Male. I was the one making it a racial thing and nobody else.

What was it? I believe it had nothing to do with his race, and everything to do with his age. He is a happy, out-going 4 year old with lots and lots of energy. He is cute. It is culturally acceptable in all races to admire a cute baby, but it is a little creepy to admire a pre-teen in the same way.

Relief, I am not a bad Mom just a little over-sensitive.

I love my boys, and both of them are very cute.