Step Eight: Hold Your Breath

Step Seven of our adoption experience was November 24, 2008. Then we had computer problems, the kids came home from school, the holidays and other stuff got in the way. So here we are again to finish the series... Step Eight: Hold Your Breath

Both biological parents started their plans to work towards reunification. Both biological parents faced some tremendous hurdles to complete their plans. As they worked towards reunification, we held our breath. So how much of your heart do you give away to a child that may be ripped from your home? Holding that child, I could not hold back my heart. He was beautiful. He was tiny. He had some health concerns. He needed me and not just part of me. I gave him my whole heart.

Six months we held our breath. We listened to reports on the biological parent’s progress. We participated in monthly reviews of our home, our parenting, our child by the Case Workers to assure the child was cared for and that we were good people. We filled out all the paper work on our child’s developmental progress, medical concerns, medications, babysitters, etc. We attended court dates to update the Judge overseeing the case.

We held our breath as our Case Worker reported her torment over the biological father. He had written her letters pleading for custody. She was very moved by his desire to father his son. It was hard for me to hear. I wanted to believe that the biological parents had abandoned this child and were off doing their own thing, but that was not true. They both showed loved for their child and the biological father had demonstrated that love to the Case Worker. My husband and I had to choke down some heart ache and ask what was best for the child. We certainly loved him, but were we what was best for the child? Maybe his biological father did not have the resources we did, but that did not make him a bad father. What was best for the child? At our December court date that question was answered for us.

At our December court date we unexpectedly met both the biological mother and father at the Court House. We had been to court before and had not seen them, so we were a bit surprised. Supposedly the identity of the foster parents is confidential for the protection of the child and the foster parents, so we didn’t introduce ourselves. I had arrived with my usual “Brag Book” of pictures. My “Brag Book” contained pictures carefully chosen to not reveal where we lived or anything about our family, but pictures that did show how healthy and happy the baby was.

Court was recessed to allow the lawyers to review with both biological parents the book of pictures. Then we were informed that the biological parents both voluntarily waived their rights as parents to make our son available for adoption. The rest of the court time is a blur. I remember being in a room with some legal people telling me stuff and signing something, I think. What I remember most is bumping into the biological mom in the hallway. She very shyly looked at me and asked if I was going to be the one to adopt her son. I said, “Yes.” I really didn’t know what to say, but I was holding the “Brag Book” and asked if she wanted any pictures. That broke the ice, she took some pictures and exchanged pleasantries about what a beautiful baby he is. Then she hugged me. I started to cry and tried to tell her that he would know how much she loved him. I can’t imagine how hard that moment must have been for her. All I can do is thank her. I never saw or heard from her again.

Termination, we had it! Termination terminates the parental rights of the biological parents and makes the child available for adoption. Termination is of the biggest mile stones on the path of Foster to Adopt. We had hoped and prayed for “Termination.” This is a joyous term for me, but at the moment I hugged the biological mom, I realized what a horrible word it was for her. There are no words to describe the emotions of sorrow and guilt and joy. I felt sorrow for her loss. I felt guilty for taking her child, but I felt great joy in gaining full custody of this child.

We are in the home stretch. Step Nine: Finalization and Step Ten: Celebration.