Designing D Store

Thursday, October 30, 2008

The Right Mom

If you give birth to your child, the question of whether or not you are the right Mom for your child may never cross your mind. At 3:00am when you are trying to clean spit-up out of your hair while calming a crying child, you may question your ability to be Mom, but not whether you are the right Mom.

As an adoptive Mom I have questioned whether or not I was the right Mom for my child. As my son came into the terrible 2’s his temper was not just terrible. It was terrible, horrific, extreme, unbelievable and intense. I tried to just say, “He’s 2.” But something inside me wondered. As he approached 3 his tempers were constant. I was afraid to take him to the park for fear of him hurting another child. He was kicked out of Sunday School and out of a Mothers of Preschoolers group. I seriously questioned my ability to be his Mom. I questioned if I was the right Mom for him.

My adopted son is also of another race than me which seemed to compound my insecurities. I have heard slander and racists comments about me and my family, but I had always chalked that up to ignorance and the lack of a loving spirit. But as my son became increasingly more difficult to handle, was I the right Mom for him? I questioned if race really did matter and questioned whether or not I was the right Mom for him.

At his annual check, the Doctor did the usual checking height, weight and various other vital statistics, and then he started asking me developmental questions like, “Does he know his colors? Can he say his ABC’s? Can he jump? Color inside the lines?” and more. As we talked, I began to realize that there was something wrong and it had nothing to do with my ability or right to Mother him.

We were then referred for more testing and the results showed a speech and development delay. He then was accepted into speech therapy and a special education class devoted to meeting his needs. Within 6 months his tempers had become few and far between. By the end of the year, he was speaking not just words but sentences too. His difficulties had nothing to do with me.

Since he is adopted and of another race, I sometimes still wonder if I am the right Mom for him, but I cannot deny how much I love him. Through our difficult time, I did what any Mother would do. I searched, researched, asked questions and eventually did find the help he needed. With every hurdle he jumps, I am right there like any Mother cheering the victories, comforting the disappointments, helping with the hurts, encouraging him to keep on trying as well as directing, teaching, counseling when and where I can.

My son continues to improve and succeed. My son is now known for his hugs and laughter. I love this child. I am his Mother, and I am the right Mom.

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