Screaming Child, Crying Mom

We were at a birthday party and the birthday boy had a really cool toy that my son just loved. All was good while he was allowed to play with it, but when it came time to allow another child to play with the really cool tool, my son had a melt down of nuclear explosion proportion.

As Mom, at first I just looked at him completely dumbfounded. As every eye at the party stared at us, I regrouped and tried to comfort, redirect, and appease my screaming child. His screams only got louder, so I removed him from the party area to have a “time out.” This really made him mad. I decided I had to take him home. As I tried to leave the party, the birthday boy’s father stripped my son from my arms and took him over to the toy. I was horribly embarrassed, but I was comforted by the kind gesture. I had to fight back tears.

Those tears, why was I crying? Was I crying because I was embarrassed or disappointed? Was I crying because I felt as if I failed my son somehow? Was I crying to keep myself from being fuming mad at my child? Yes, Yes and Yes.

As an adoptive Mom, I try not to allow the fact he is adopted enter into my decisions to parent. I am the only Mom he knows, and I am trying to parent him just like I did with my biological son. But I can’t help it when all eyes look at us, I question every little decision I make. Why does it matter what they think? It matters because in this day and age, disciple is sometimes viewed as abuse. It matters because a big white woman speaking harshly or disciplining a small black child could be misconstrued.

So I am crying. I am crying, because I am a Mom. I want to act like a Mom, and I don’t want to be judged for being a Mom. Adopted or not, sometimes the child needs some disciple. He doesn’t wait until we get home to throw his screaming fit and neither should I when admonishing him.