Step Five: Picking You

We were certified, we were networking and now we were being considered as a family to foster a child until they were available for adoption.

We said, “Yes,” to a number of children’s profiles. We were short listed and taken to a few “Four Ways” (see Step Four: Pick ME! For more information about “Four Ways.”). Eventually, we were selected as a home for a waiting child, well, in this case children. We were so excited. In the formal process, once you are selected, there is a number of meet and greets you have with the child or children. The first time you meet the child, you do not take them with you. This is just an introduction. The next time you meet the child, you get to take them with you but not overnight. You can take them out to dinner or to the park, but you do not take them home. Next, you take them home, but only for a night or two. Each step the Case Workers, you and the child are evaluating compatibility. If all goes well, the next step is to move the child into your home. This is a best case scenario and in the real world, not always possible.

We had been selected to take two boys of Hispanic decent. They were in foster care, but there was some urgency to have them placed in a home. We were supposed to skip all the meet and greets and just move them in. The week they were supposed to move in, we were notified that they were no longer available for placement. A family member had stepped up and was taking custody. It was a little fishy to us that we were skipping the meet and greets, but the move date had been postponed two weeks. Were they really available for placement or were we being used to motivate somebody? There was no way to know, so we tried to recover from this disappointment by dreaming that they were happy and safe.

Time passed and discouragement set in. We still received calls, but it broke my heart every time we were not selected. We always asked why we were not selected. The Case Worker didn’t like answering that question, but she was more inclined to discuss the family that was selected. I noticed in our conversations that in the family that was selected, the Mom did not work. I was a working Mom. My heart sank.

Then the call came. We still don’t know why they didn’t call me, but called my husband. I am glad that they did. With all the disappointment and my sinking heart, if I had heard the profile, I probably would have said, “no.” My husband was called and told we had an hour to decide if we wanted to be submitted. If we wanted to be submitted, we would need to go to the hospital right away for an interview. The excitement in my husband’s voice was amazing. I ditched my job, grabbed our other son and we took off for the hospital.

We expected to meet more Case Workers and other families and agencies. It was quiet and lonely in the waiting room. Thankfully, we had our five year old son with us to keep us busy. When we were taken back into the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit, the nurse looked at me and said, “you must be the mom. Would you like to hold your child?” What could I do? I cried, my heart was in my throat. I held that child. I had to sit down. I was shaking. My husband just smiled at us. Our other son was far more interested in all the cool gadgets in the room and was not terribly interested in the baby. I pulled a little bitty hand out from under the blanket and then looked at all his precious toes. The baby never cried. He slept comfortably in my arms and was not concerned a bit of this strange person touching his fingers and toes. He was beautiful. He was perfect.

We placed the baby back in his crib and then were escorted to another room to talk with the Case Workers and Nurse. We thought it would be an interview to see if we were a good fit for the child. It did not take long to figure out that we were the only family for this child. We listened to the Case Worker tell us about the tragedy the mother had been through, the tragedy the father was in and the tragedy the baby had survived. We listened to the Nurse tell us about the complications with the birth, the limited medial history, the potential for long term effects. The baby was ten days old and had already been through so much. We listened to short term care and long term care. My husband and I had to take a time out. We had to step back from the emotion of the moment and discuss what it all meant. We both decided it meant we needed to take that child home.

Placement was here, but was it permanent? This was a question not easily answered.